BPD, Teaching and Unfortunate Triggers

I am a teacher. It is what I love to do. I always understood the workings of school. In life, even when I didn’t seem to excel, I was learning and taking it in. I figured out the system, but struggled for years because of testing.

I could not sit still. If I stayed still, I inevitably focused on a particular thought, object, or concept and got lost in a realm of infinite possibility. This was quickly viewed as “zoning out” and “daydreaming” and was quickly either trained out of most, or for someone like me, became a problem for most of my formal education.

I don’t generally count college as a formal education because choice exists in that realm. In fact, until you declare a major you have the freedom to pursue any intellectual endeavor you see to be interesting or exciting.

This is where my mind took off. That manic curiosity and imagination brought me to depths I thought I would never reach. It is this part of mania for which I am grateful.

Unfortunately, the natural high that comes with teaching; in that moment when a class or student first understands a concept, is a trigger for me. It is the most rewarding aspect of teaching to finally see a pupil understand and retain a concept. It is even more satisfying to see them take that concept and branch out to individually pursue others.

This is what sucks about mania.

In the realm of teaching, you want moments like this frequently, otherwise you are doing something wrong. So, how do I get by in a field I generally excel in, if it brings about instability in my moods?

The million dollar question..

Wanna phone a friend or use the 50/50?

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