It’s always the last day or two of hypomania that are the worst for me. I usually last anywhere from four to 10 days, but I have gone longer. The problem toward the end is my inability to remain focused. I’m still jacked and have all this energy, but I can never figure out what I want to do. This is when I get more antsy and much more easily agitated. Though starting to wind down, the physical symptoms of my hypomania become heightened and extremely noticeable. My pupils dilate, so it becomes difficult to read, especially off of a screen. I sweat profusely, and I mean Michael Jordan, end of game interview sweating. But, as Ozzy would say “of all the things I miss, I miss my mind the most”. I still have all these ideas and thoughts and memories flying through my brain and coming at me in all directions, but the traffic cop that usually directs this mess is out for a smoke. This makes for trouble if I’m required to commit any outside attention to something or someone. Many things trail off right after they start. My mind develops a natural defense for all this input which I have learned is a common self-defense mechanism seen in those with ADHD, hyper focus. I kid you not I have been so focused on the TV or a book that I don’t know what the hell is going on around me. One time, I was watching TV and my wife was trying to get my attention. After getting to the point where she was screaming, she did the next logical thing to do which was stand in front of the TV and block my view. I sat there staring as if I was still looking at the screen. Because I could still hear the dialogue, I couldn’t tell I was no longer watching the show. I was that zoned in
I am having at least an episode a month and am trying to find strategies to remain focused and calm at these times. Mindfulness and Grounding exercise help at times. Usually used for panic attacks or anxiety, I find grounding can be applied to focus the mind of I’m scatterbrained.
Any suggestions? Questions?